Totally Inept
by Koji Inari
Summary: Raito and L are having a few problems. Both are trying to state their dominance, and both have their own plans. Who will come out on top of the matter? A botched oneshot, will upload the other half later. RaitoXL Yaoi Lemon


-1Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note

Rated: M

Warning: Yaoi and maybe some slightly offensive material

A/N: This is my first Death Note fic! I can't believe I wrote one…I was scared of not sounding smart…. TT Anyways, please read and enjoy!

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Raito Yagami never felt more alive than at night. There was something about the lonely dark blanket that enveloped the world that left him feeling peaceful. It was true that darkness makes the eyes relax, as there was less light to reflect, but that wasn't it. There was something else about that peace.

Maybe it was having the freedom of thought that he couldn't express so easily in a crowd. Maybe it was the eerie quiet that enveloped his hearing and made it easier to relax. Maybe it was just him being a night person. Whatever the case, it was night, and Raito felt more at peace with himself than he had in months.

A rattle of chains changed his focus from the night sky to the boy standing behind him. Though it was cold out, the boy wore no shoes. His manner of dress was not only unusual, but downright freakish. His hair was wild and unruly, as if it had never seen a comb in it's life, and his posture was more simian in form than human.

The boy's dark eyes turned on Raito when he noticed the glances. Those eyes gave nothing away as to the emotion that he was feeling, but Raito knew that they were calculating his every move and storing the data away for later analysis.

"Ryuuzaki, why are we out here? It's cold, we should be inside analyzing data." Raito knew his voice had more bite to it than what he wanted, but he really was cold, and cold didn't go over well with him. Ryuuzaki glanced over at him, then away again. He moved along, completely ignoring Raito's question. Unfortunately for Raito, he was chained to him, so he had to go wherever Ryuuzaki's whim wanted.

"Have you ever been to church Raito-kun?" The dark-haired boy asked out of the blue. By now Raito was used to the random questions, so this one didn't surprise him, it only irritated him a little.

"I went once, when I was younger, but I haven't been to one lately." Raito responded. He saw no threat in telling Ryuuzaki that much information.

Ryuuzaki nodded and shuffled off absent-mindedly, as if the question had been but a curiosity to him. Raito was pulled along, almost stumbling across the cold sidewalk. How could Ryuuzaki stand to walk on that cement in bare feet? Raito could even feel the cold coming up through his thick-soled shoes.

After a while longer of wandering around empty streets in the dead of night, Raito decided to ask where in God's name Ryuuzaki was going. In response, the black haired boy only shrugged. "There was just something I wanted to check out."

"Check out? This late? Couldn't you have my father drive you or something? Do you even know where you are going?" Raito knew none of those questions would be answered, it just wasn't in Ryuuzaki's nature to explain such trivial things. Ryuuzaki worked on a need-to-know basis, he only told you what he thought was necessary for you to know.

"Do quit your complaining Raito-kun, we 're here."

Raito looked up at the fairly large structure before them. It was a church, hence the earlier question from Ryuuzaki. The building was old, with chipping paint and a broken down gate. If one were to believe in ghosts, this would be a perfect haunting ground for them. The structure was rickety, and Raito wondered if the dilapidated steps would hold his weight.

"Are we going in there?" Raito asked. Ryuuzaki nodded.

"Are you afraid Raito-kun?"

"Not in the least." Raito responded, then , to show his bravery, he walked past the broken down gate and to the steps, trailing Ryuuzaki behind him.

Once inside the church Raito felt his energy drain. He was no longer out in the calm night, he had entered a well-lit building that to most, would have been welcoming.

To Raito, it was almost sickening.

Raito had never been one for religion. He believed that there was a God, or maybe gods other than the Shinigami, in fact, he aspired to be one, but he never followed the beliefs of any one faction. In his eyes, he was a god, or at least on the road to becoming one. Why should one god bow down before another?

Once again Ryuuzaki disturbed him from his thoughts. The peculiar boy walked forward to the alter, and bent down to examine it. He took his time, running his finger across the ancient oak, then wiping dust from it's top with his hand. He even went so far as to open it and take a look inside.

"Looking for something in particular Ryuuzaki?" Raito asked, annoyed at being ignored for so long. The dark-haired boy looked up at him, his eyes gleaming as if he had found something important.

"What is that matter Raito-kun? Do you not like this church? You know many people come here to pray to God, to ask him forgiveness of their sins. Is there anything you want to confess to God Raito-kun?"

Raito's annoyance level grew a few bars. Ryuuzaki was toying with him. Mentally he had to restrain himself from snapping at the dark-haired devil. The boy had a hunch that Raito was Kira, but no proof, and as long as he had no proof Raito was safe.

"I don't believe in God." he replied simply.

"Oh, that's too bad, the Christian culture is a very interesting one, you know they even believe God to be three separate persons, yet one at the same time? It's referred to as the Trinity, three deities in one."

Of course, Raito already knew this, he couldn't see any reason as to why Ryuuzaki had brought him here, except for a very vain attempt to get him to confess. Would he ever give up?

"They also believe that God is a just God, one who protects his people and who's wrath is immeasurable to sinners."

"What does this have to do with the Kira case?" Raito inquired.

"Why, many things Raito-kun, sweet, impatient Raito-kun. You see, God punishes all sins, an eye for an eye, a life for a life."

"You can't be expecting some sort of enlightenment from God to capture Kira can you? Be reasonable Ryuuzaki."

"I believe it is you being unreasonable Raito-kun." By this time the dark-haired boy had climbed up upon the alter, using it as a chair. He sat with his legs pulled up tight against his chest, his hands sitting placidly on his knees. He looked for all the world like a big black and white monkey. "Religion was founded on some fact, and it is by my estimation that it is 49 percent likely that the world was created by a god and that there are spiritual forces at work. The fact that the Death Note is owned by a shinigami, a death god, is proof enough of that."

"Yes but to rely on such sources-"

"Could be very beneficial."

Ryuuzaki had that tone in his voice that suggested it would be better not to argue with him. Any pursuit of the subject would, of course, be futile, so Raito did the only thing he could think of to do. He sat down on the ground and waited for Ryuuzaki to finish.

Several hours passed without any activity. Ryuuzaki sat upon the alter in that strange position of his, looking off into the distance, and Raito was reduced to playing with his pants. _'What is he thinking about?'_ thought Raito. _'He wouldn't actually be receiving some message from God would he?'_ Though the thought was unlikely, Raito did not dismiss it all together. As absurd as it sounded, it was entirely possible that Ryuuzaki had some way of contacting God, if only by a .09 percent margin.

Raito jumped when Ryuuzaki finally moved. The black-haired boy leapt off of the alter and started dragging Raito back to one of the pews. He let Raito walk ahead of him between the wooden seats.

Before Raito could ask what he was doing, Ryuuzaki plopped down onto the seat, but not in his normal fashion. He sat instead, as any normal person would, with his legs planted on the ground and his back flush against the wood behind him.

This strange behavior disturbed Raito. For once in his life, he had no explanation as to why this was happening. Ryuuzaki didn't act like this, he wasn't this random and unfounded. The only answer Raito could even start to conclude was that Ryuuzaki was trying to freak him out.

A sudden blast of organ music made Raito jump again. He whirled around, but couldn't find any speakers, let alone an organ. The church wasn't very big, so it would be impossible for him to miss the giant instrument unless it was in a back room.

"What's the matter Raito-kun? Don't like the music?" Raito looked back to the dark-haired boy and almost gagged at what he saw. Ryuuzaki's face had been replaced by a maggot-eaten skull. Flesh hung off his body in strange clumps, and dried gore stuck to various parts.

"What the hell?!?" Raito tried to back up away from the half-deceased corpse that had once been Ryuuzaki, but he couldn't because of the chain still connecting them. The zombie-boy advanced, forcing him down onto the hard wood surface of the pew. "Get the hell off me!" Raito tried to kick, but his foot connected only with rotten flesh and had no effect on the zombie-Ryuuzaki.

"Raito-kun shouldn't do that, he may hurt himself." The zombie-Ryuuzaki purred. Raito held up his arms to block the vision, but even that couldn't stop the _smell_. Ryuuzaki smelled like a rotting corpse, which of course, he was, but that was beside the point. The stench alone was enough to make Raito's stomach weak.

A slow rhythmic chanting could now be heard above the organ music. It started low at first, but started to get louder. Voices of all types made up the symphony, and finally it reached it's climax, a deafening din that sent shivers up Raito's spine.

The weight on his chest left, and Raito peeked out to see zombie-Ryuuzaki backing off of him and looking at the ceiling. Because Raito was on his back, so he too could see what was up in the rafters.

Ghosts swirled around the ceiling, rotten images of people long dead. Raito recognized most of them, they were the people he'd killed with the Death Note. As the recognition dawned on him, his mind calmed down. This was a dream, it had to be. He was asleep and Ryuuzaki was still sitting on top of the alter, staring off into the distance and thinking about who knows what. This was just a projection of fear that his own mind had come up with from lack of sleep.

Zombie-Ryuuzaki noticed Raito relax, and took some time to examine the no-longer guarded boy. "Enjoying yourself?" the zombie asked casually.

"This is only a figment of my imagination, there isn't anything I have to fear."

"People have been known to die in dreams." the zombie replied, approaching Raito once more. Overhead the ghosts continued their incessant wailing.

"That is unproven, as we don't know what the dream was about."

"Are you willing to risk such a thing Raito-kun?" the zombie-Ryuuzaki was standing over Raito now, examining his body hungrily. Raito only smirked.

"I've taken risks all my life."

Darkness suddenly overtook Raito's senses, and he realized with horror that there was something sharp and moist covering his head. Panic welled up in his chest, and though he knew this was just a dream, he lost it. Raito pulled at whatever was on his head and smacked it, but nothing seemed to work. He was now starting to run out of air, and thinking became more difficult. With horror Raito realized that maybe he had finally made a fatal mistake…

"Raito-kun!"

Raito's eyes popped open as something hard collided with his face. He looked up to see a normal Ryuuzaki standing above him, holding him up by his jacket. Raito blinked, then brought his hand up to his face, where a red mark was already forming from Ryuuzaki's slap.

"What happened?" Raito asked, dazed by his dream. Ryuuzaki shook his head and let him fall.

"You started shaking, I believe you were having a rather bad nightmare. When you started clawing at your own face I thought it better to rouse you."

Raito brought a hand to his head and closed his eyes. He hurt like hell, though there was no logical explanation as to why. He hadn't done anything drastic enough to warrant physical strain.

"Will Raito-kun be alright?" Raito opened his eyes to find Ryuuzaki's face shoved very close to his own, those calculating black eyes examining him closely.

"I'm fine!" Raito snapped at the black-haired monkey boy. "I'm fine…just, tired I guess."

Ryuuzaki nodded knowingly. "Yes, I suppose you are. After all, we have been up rather late for the past few days. Would you like to go home Raito-kun?"

Raito examined Ryuuzaki's face for a moment, but, as usual, it was blank. The boy never gave anything away. Not even the tiniest thing. "If you don't mind Ryuuzaki, I would like to go back. I don't feel too good…" By now Raito had completely recovered from his hallucination, but the church was beginning to freak him out, and he wanted to get out of the run-down church building.

"Very well Raito-kun, we'll go home. We can always return another night." Inwardly Raito groaned. He did not want to revisit the creepy old church, not so much from fear of his dream, but from utter boredom. At least when they were back at the work building Raito could focus on something besides the nightmare.

Was that it? Was that why Ryuuzaki had drug him all the way out there? To impart some sort of guilt on him? Did Ryuuzaki believe him so inferior that a pang of guilt would cause him to confess? Well, he'd show that damned money boy who could mess with who's mind.

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The two boys made it back to the headquarters without further incident. Raito was by this time, as calm as he normally was, with no outward evidence of his earlier disturbance. Ryuuzaki was the same as he always was, completely unreadable and strange. Raito wondered if the boy even had all the emotions a human being was born with. He never showed them, except on rare occasions. Raito knew he could be surprised, but that he reacted different than a normal human would. He showed signs of pleasure when eating sweets or winning a childish game, and he exhibited an air of cockiness when he believed he was on to something. But as to other emotions, the boy was as readable as a stone wall. Raito wanted to break down that wall, to dig out that inner Ryuuzaki, and to totally obliterate him. But in order to do that, he'd have to find a way of gaining trust, and that in itself would be the greatest test, as Ryuuzaki still believed him to be Kira.

"Raito-kun are you listening?"

Raito looked up from his study of the back of Ryuuzaki's head to meet the boy's eyes. Quickly he ran everything the boy had just been talking about through his head. He had asked if he was ready for bed…

"Yes, sorry about that Ryuuzaki, I was deep in thought. You wanted to go to bed right?"

"If you aren't too busy daydreaming about the back of my skull then yes, I would very much like to get to bed, unless you'd like to return to the church?"

Inwardly Raito shivered. "No, I'll go to bed, I just need to use the restroom first." Ryuuzaki nodded, and the two boys headed off to the bathroom.

Raito hated going to the bathroom while chained to Ryuuzaki. The chain wasn't very long, and the dark-haired boy's hand was too close to Raito's….manhood for his comfort. But it could not be avoided, Ryuuzaki never let him out of his sight, and taking a piss was no exception. They even showered together, as gay as that sounds. So Raito had to put up with the proximity of the other boy in the cramped space of the bathroom.

It was during this time that Raito finally figured out how to beat Ryuuzaki. He finally knew exactly what the boy's weakness was. And it was all because he happened a glance at the boy at the right time. He caught Ryuuzaki checking him out.

So the boy was gay, or possibly bi. Raito couldn't help but marvel at the discovery. Ryuuzaki would be the last person he'd expect to be into homosexuality, but then again, the boy did lead a sheltered life. There was a possibility that he was so deprived he'd feel attracted to _any_ human contact. This was perfect, no, better than perfect. All Raito would have to do is show the boy some love, and the possibility of not only trust, but loyalty to Raito could be all but assured. That is, depending on if the glance had truly been the act of sexual desire, and not just curiosity. Well, Raito reasoned, he'd find out that night.

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Raito allowed his hand to bump up against Ryuuzaki's buttocks as they were climbing into bed, and was rewarded by a sudden stiffness in the other boy's movements. Pretending as if he hadn't noticed the contact, Ryuuzaki climbed into bed as usual, and laid in his normal position, where he would curl up into a ball on top of the covers. Raito never could figure out why the dark-haired genius never slept _under_ the covers, it was just one of the many quirks the boy had about him. So Raito slipped under the covers like usual, and promptly fell asleep.

Or at least, that's how it would seem to Ryuuzaki. Raito strained to keep his breathing down and his eyes closed just enough for him to feign sleep. After all, Ryuuzaki never fell asleep until Raito had, and the sooner Ryuuzaki fell asleep, the sooner Raito could set his plan in motion.

Finally, around 2:00 A.M. Ryuuzaki fell asleep. Raito could tell by the sound of his breathing. Carefully, so as not to disturb his partner, but at the same time realistically in case he was awake, Raito rolled over so he was facing him. He stopped a moment after turning to study the boy's face. Ryuuzaki had dark rings under his eyes from lack of sleep, his hair was tangled helplessly and his skin was pale, as if it had never seen the light of day. He almost looked like a ghost, or some kind of ugly angel. But he was so ugly he was a bit attractive, and Raito couldn't help but smile. At least if he was going to do this, he wouldn't be completely repulsed.

Once Raito was sure Ryuuzaki wasn't going to stir, he inched forward until he was close enough to feel the boy's breath on his face. Their bodies were almost touching now, separated only by a thin sheet, their clothes, and a few inches of open air. Being so close, he could feel the warmth of Ryuuzaki's body, and something inside him, something primal edged into his mind, something that wanted closer to that warmth. Angrily Raito's cold mentality pushed the thought away, and he remained where he was.

He could smell Ryuuzaki. Not in a repulsive way, despite his being uncivilized Ryuuzaki did shower every day, but it was the distinct smell that _was_ Ryuuzaki. It was not the smell of fruit or sweets as some cheap romances made their readers believe, but it was a slight musty smell, mixed with a tiny bit of sweat and the lingering odor of his shampoo. It wasn't unpleasant, it was just human, and it was comforting. Raito couldn't remember when he had last felt such a comforting feeling from a simple smell.

Unconsciously he felt himself moving closer to Ryuuzaki's lithe form. It was a subtle movement, but it was enough to bring their legs in contact with each other. Raito slammed his eyes shut, sure that Ryuuzaki had felt the contact, and sure enough, moments later, he felt the boy shift next to him.

"You know Raito-kun, at this close of proximity, I can hear your breathing, and I'm sure your heart is beating rather faster than it is supposed to. If you are attracted to me, then I suggest you just come out and say so."

Raito opened his eyes slowly to see Ryuuzaki propped on one elbow, fully spread out before him, not scrunched up in his normal position. His face was still expressionless, but his eyes held a twinkle, as if he were laughing at some joke only he knew. That twinkle made Raito mad, but he controlled his feelings and decided to shift gears. No more innocence.

"Well then, since we're both awake, we might as well get this into the open."

"I was wondering when you'd say something, and by the way, you are a horrible actor at sleeping Raito-kun. Your thoughts were practically screaming their plans."

Raito didn't react to that, he knew it was a test. Ryuuzaki had nothing on him, was only grasping at straws. This had to go in another direction, and Raito knew exactly where to take it.

Instead of responding to the other boy's challenge, he leaned forward till their faces were extremely close to each other, then grabbed a handful of the boy's dark tangled up hair, (it was surprisingly softer than he had thought it would be) and pulled him up into a deep kiss.

Raito had never kissed a girl, despite his good looks and popularity among the women, he grew bored too fast to ever have a serious relationship. People, especially women, were too easy to manipulate.

But Ryuuzaki was a different matter, he was intelligent, on par with Raito's intellect, and just as ready to meet and exceed his challenges. It was like a complicated chess game with the boy, constantly putting him into check only to realize that his own king was in danger. There was no guarding against it, they were both aggressive, and neither liked to lose. They were childish that way, but also connected. The longer the game went on the more complicated it got, and the more fun it was for them. They were both risking their lives, but to them that was all part of the excitement. Two of the worlds greatest minds began their battle for supremacy, and neither particularly wanted to win. After all, if one of them won the game, it would be over, and the fun isn't in winning, it's in how you cheat.

This act of supremacy and dirty tactics started long ago between the two teens, and was progressing with the loss of clothes and sudden contact of skin on skin. Ryuuzaki had taken Raito's challenge, and changed it into a challenge of his own. Instead of backing down from the kiss, he'd hurtled head-long into it, and started out rougher than Raito could have imagined. Raito might have known what he was doing more than Ryuuzaki did, but it was the dark-haired boy who took the lead. Starved of any kind of human contact he was hungry for it, and it showed with how fast he began removing Raito's clothes.

Mentally Raito was struggling harder than ever, he didn't want to have sex with the boy, that wasn't part of his plan, but then again, he wouldn't back down to this challenge. Raito never lost anything, he wasn't about to start now.

And so their battle for supremacy raged on with tongues, skin, groping and fondling, pushing and shoving. First Ryuuzaki would be on top, pinning the light-haired Raito to the bed so he could tease the boy's skin with his tongue, and then he'd be on his back, with Raito pinning his lighter form down, their mouths connected and crotches grinding.

Raito felt a powerful urge come over him, an urge that said, "Just pin him to the bed and fuck him, fuck him hard." His lower regions were aching, and a knot had made it's appearance in his stomach. A hunger he had never felt before came over him, a hunger for the warm struggling body beneath him. He wanted it, it was his, and all coherent thought fled out the window.

Before either boy was fully aware of it, their clothes were stripped. Minor distractions occurred during this time, a caught button, a piece of hair in the mouth, but it was all ignored as the two boys moved on. Neither continued their normal calculations for supremacy, and for a moment at least, the two were bound in stalemate.

Raito's breath quickened as his hands explored the hot body beneath him. Below, Ryuuzaki let out a long, low whimper filled with need and desire. Both their bodies were naked now, and sweat dripped from every pore, making it easy to move against each other. The smell that Raito had earlier identified as Ryuuzaki was sharper, more clear, as if their actions had made his pheromones spike. Raito could only assume that his own smell, whatever it may be, was the same. Hungrily he lowered his head into the nook of Ryuuzaki's neck and latched onto it, biting gently into the skin, letting the taste of Ryuuzaki's flesh roll over his tongue. He tasted good, so much better than what Raito could have imagined he would, and before he could stop himself , he bit harder, until he drew blood.

Ryuuzaki whimpered, and for a moment, Raito was concerned that he had hurt his lover. Gently Raito licked away the beads of blood coming from the love-bite, and began to move down the boy's body, stopping every so often to give the boy below him a playful nip or lick.

Ryuuzaki pushed his hips up into Raito's, causing both boys to hiss as their arousals made contact. The fire that had been slowly burning it's way through Raito's gut fanned into a wild-fire, and he found himself unconsciously grinding against Ryuuzaki's lithe sweaty form.

"Damn you Raito hurry the fuck up!" Raito's mind was jerked back into consciousness at the sound of Ryuuzaki's voice, it was angry and thick, and didn't follow his normal pattern of speech or behavior at all. It shocked Raito, and almost brought him completely out of his lust, but one look at the pale aroused form below him, and he once again lost his mind to the inferno growing in the pit of his stomach.

Raito moved off of Ryuuzaki's form to get better access, and before either of their bodies could even begin to complain about the loss of contact, Raito had flipped Ryuuzaki onto his stomach and crawled over him, one hand reaching down around Ryuuzaki's cock to collect as much pre-cum as he could, and the other steadying both him and his lover. Then when he had collected enough of the sticky fluid for him to be satisfied, Raito inserted a finger past the tight ring of muscle that was Ryuuzaki's entrance.

Ryuuzaki shivered at the strange sensation, but didn't do anything more as Raito put a second, and finally a third finger into his ass, slowly scissoring and stretching the hole out. It was surprisingly looser than Raito would have thought it to be.

"You masturbate…" Raito stated simply. "A lot."

"Do shut up Raito-kun and get on with it!"

Finding no excuse not to, and rather looking forward to the experience himself, Raito complied. He removed his fingers, spread as much fluid over his own cock as possible, and slowly began to insert it into Ryuuzaki.

The pleasure and heat that exploded in Raito's body was more than he could have expected or ever wanted. It felt so good it almost hurt. He pushed harder, deeper into the warmth in front of him, until he was buried to the base in heat. He could feel himself panting, though he had exerted little physical strength. He was just so god-damn aroused.

Ryuuzaki let out a slight whimper, he too was panting, both from arousal and the pain of having something as big as Raito's cock up his ass. After a few moments, when the pain had ebbed slightly, he growled at Raito to move.

Raito complied, he pulled out of Ryuuzaki until he was almost completely out, then slammed back in. It didn't take long to establish a rhythm, and soon both boys were moaning with pleasure.

The wildfire that up to then had been contained in the pit of Raito's stomach burned brighter and hotter, and spread like molten lava through his veins. Thought was impossible, they were acting off of instinct, primal, gut instinct, to carry them to their climaxes.

Raito was the first to cum, he didn't even realize what was happening at first, he just knew the tightness in his muscles, and the quivering excitement that suddenly built up in his lower regions was amazing, and the feeling of release was even more so. The orgasm was the best thing he had ever felt, the most pleasing, better than realizing his power over people's lives, better than the long game he and Ryuuzaki were stuck in, better than winning, it was the most pleasing experience he had ever felt.

Ryuuzaki had to finish himself off. Raito was too caught up in the post-sex feeling to even think about his partner, but Ryuuzaki didn't mind. This was all going according to plan. Besides, he had jerked-off many times before, it was not a new experience to him.

When both boys had finally climaxed, Raito crawled over to Ryuuzaki and laid his head on the dark-haired boy's chest. He fell asleep almost immediately, worn out from the strain of sex and from staying up so late.

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Oi, I can't make this a one-shot, I tried, but I can't….I hope that the next chapter isn't so long though…It might kill me.


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